President Obama has begun to fix this country and return it to a path of prosperity and righteousness. He has instituted new policies allowing for states to set their own standards with regards to auto emissions in order to clean up the environment. He has mandated more humane treatment of detainees and less corruption in the white house. He has informed our victims over seas that “we have not been perfect” and “the Americans are not your enemy.”
Of course, it hasn't all been roses. He had to cut federal funding for contraception out of the economic stimulus package. Iran has reacted to his peaceful overtures with open hostility, and China chose not to air his comments during his inauguration about governments that, “cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent.”
And I suppose those aren't his only problems. The economy has continued to plummet, and corporations aren't helping. Citigroup recently purchased a 50 million dollar jet after receiving 45 billion from the government. Apparently they needed that bailout money because of the rising cost of transportation. And some people are predicting that his emissions plan will drive the cost of autos up, further crippling the Detroit manufacturers. And the communists in Russia think he'll be lucky to make it all the way through his first term.
But let's not let the bad news get us down. We're on a path towards repairing America's image in the world. Obama's economic stimulus plan is just around the corner, and that should fix everything. He's taken steps to close the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, and soon, his presidential appointees will be able to begin addressing the housing crisis. Good times are just around the corner.
So don't be concerned when you hear that states are considering legislation that would force manufacturers and retailers to encode ammunition and make records of those who purchase it. Don't think it odd if you hear that the United Nations doesn't consider self defense a human right. Don't think twice about whether or not the government plans to censor speech that doesn't comport to their agenda.
After all, it's a new day in America. We are returning to our roots. We're going to be a great nation again. People will respect us. This country will be a powerful, admired force for justice in the world.
So what if our economy is destroyed. So what if corporations continue to exploit their relationships with their friends in government to get free money to pay their bills. So what if free speech is abridged in the name of fairness. So what if the right and responsibility of each individual to provide for his own defense is restricted, regulated, or denied.
Besides, we've got hope. And change. I mean come on, Lincoln and Roosevelt violated the civil rights of hundreds of thousands of Americans in the name of saving the union. Why shouldn't Obama continue in the grand tradition of those historic figures?